Today it has been 4.5 years since Derek suddenly and unexpectedly left our world and entered into eternity with Jesus. The 14th of every month is bittersweet for me because it also marks the anniversary of the day that Derek came into our world and changed our lives forever. The birth of our first born taught us what unconditional love looks like. It blows my mind that the love we have for our children can’t compare to the love that our Heavenly Father has for us. Even though Derek’s physical death brought with it pain and suffering unlike anything I have ever experienced, I have felt the presence of our Heavenly Father more than ever in my life. He has comforted, taught, and sustained me in ways that I never imagined possible over the past 4.5 years.
It has been a while since I have shared a glimpse into my life and my progress on the road of child loss. It’s not that God wasn’t working or that I wasn’t struggling. It has honestly been a time of drawing into the Lord and of personal growth. The absence of Derek in my daily life is still as real and painful as it was on the day he left. The Lord is teaching me every day that this world is temporary and my eyes should always focus on what’s eternal instead. During the time since I last wrote, God has been helping me focus on what’s important. He has also allowed me opportunities to share my faith and experience with child loss.
At times I struggle with having an attitude of “I don’t care” about worldly things and problems because I know that they really won’t matter in the end. At the same time, watching events unfold in our broken world, family and friends struggling with loss, sickness, and hurt has a way of bringing me back to worldly thinking. I question God at times for allowing such chaos and pain. When I start thinking that way, the Lord always stops me in that thought process. Although the struggles and things in this world won’t matter in the end, the people of this world should and will. When our loved ones and friends move from being seen on Earth to unseen, it should push us to become laser focused on loving and sharing the gospel with everyone around us. Relationships, forgiveness, and sharing God’s love and grace should become a priority and that is what the Lord continues to lay on my heart. Shifting my focus to Eternity allows me to live full of love and joy while grieving the loss of Derek at the same time. Heavenly focus is also teaching me to spend my time with the people that matter to Him and less energy things that don’t matter.
On my own, my focus isn’t always clear but the Lord always has a way of bringing me back to being clearly focused on Him. I look forward to the day that I get to see my sweet son and other loved ones that have gone on before me. While I am still here, I plan to make the most of my time and share God’s love.
Thank you Lord for walking beside me every day of the past 4.5 years. Thank you for teaching me what’s truly important as I wait for my time to join you and Derek in Eternity!
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary and what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18